Working with Grief

One of the most difficult things to do is work when you are grieving.  If there is a death in your family you will get lots of compassion and understanding from co workers and friends.  But what if your grief has to do with the death of a relationship or a break up.  Sometimes you just don’t want to share this personal information with your co workers.  You still have to go on with your life but on the inside you just feel like your whole world is just crashing down on you.  So unless you want to call in sick every time you are emotional, (which is not recommended because you could get fired, lose $$ and it doesn’t solve anything on the long run) you simply have to suck it up and go to work while you are in pain.

While I do think it is worth while to take time off if you are in serious grief, sometimes that luxury is just not available.  So exactly how does one function when all you want to do is just cry and kick and scream.

Did you get a good night’s sleep?  If you did not then know that sleep has to become your first priority.  Perhaps you haven’t been a good sleeper for a while.  But this is crucial to your feeling better.  Diet can play a huge role in sleep.  Think about eliminating caffeine or cutting back.  Also no caffeine after 2:00 PM.  There are so many things you can do to help in this area!!  Also think about drinking chamomile tea during the day.  You want to think about reducing your stress response.  Sugar is also something to ditch as well!! (This is a huge issue in which entire books have been written about sugar.  So there will be a future post on this.)

This is a great time to take care of you.  This is the time to stop doing all of the unnecessary things that perhaps we do that causes additional stress.  You have to decide what causes stress.  But the music you listen to can be a big trigger for anxiety during a break up.  Every song you hear reminds you of that person.  So decide that you are going to listen to music without lyrics such as classical or spa music.  You want the music to relax you not get you more agitated. Think soothing, calming and relaxing thoughts.

If you are a yogini then consider trying Yin Yoga.  It’s a relaxing form of yoga in which you hold the poses for longer than usual.  If you do this prior to slumber it can really help you shut it down.

Think about turning off your phone, electronics and go for walks in nature.  This will help your mood plus you won’t have the extra distractions from electronics.  Its a great stress reducer.

This is a great time to journal.  Write about your feelings.  If you feel really sad a gratitude journal is a great way to lift your spirits.  There are always things to be thankful for.  Start with 10 things but ideally you want to write 100 things you are thankful for.  It sounds like a huge task but after you start, you just get on a roll and next thing you just have a feeling of gratitude.

Hang out with good friends and family.  If you don’t have any friends or family then join a club, support group or go to church.  Also consider getting some counseling.

If you are feeling depressed or anxious go to your Dr. right away.  They can help you find the help and support you need.  You don’t need to go through this alone.

If you broke up for real you must cut off all contact with this person for at least 30 days.  I know it sounds hard but it’s just one day at a time for 30 days.  If you keep talking to this person, you will never get over them.  So no talking, texting or emailing for 30 days.  After that you will have a much better understanding if you even want to think about reconciling.  You may need a support group for this 30 days.  The block feature on your phone is a great way to take control of the relationship because then you know they cannot call or text you.  You are taking control for yourself and knowing that you deserve better.

Remember that no matter what the situation is it is not your fault.  Half of the responsibility is with your partner so be kind and patient with yourself.  Also after the 30 days if you are still hung up on this person and reconciliation is not going to happen, do yourself a big favor and immediately knock them off of the pedestal you put them on.  While you may still love them you have got to write down the things you despise about them.  There’s always something to not like about a person.  If it’s over it’s time to move on.

It will get better one day at a time.  And you deserve to be happy and being happy isn’t about being with someone that doesn’t want to be with you.  So if it’s really over have a funeral for the relationship and fall in love with yourself.  Treat yourself the way you want your next partner to treat you.  Learn to be your own best friend.  The right person will come along in the right time.  Buy yourself flowers, jewelry and cook yourself a fabulous meal.  Learn to enjoy life as a single person.  Just remember there are lots of people in relationships that are miserable.  They wish they were single.  So focus on all of the good and wonderful things in life.  And pretty soon you’ll have forgotten about that person that made you sad.