Have you ever had to get over a broken heart from a relationship? It can be one of the most painful things to endure. It’s like your heart gets ripped out of your body and you’re supposed to walk around like everything is normal on the outside. But on the inside you’re so sad, depressed and you can also be filled with feelings of anger and rage depending on the circumstances of the break up. There can also be real serious issues such as alimony, child support and loss of income. But let’s just pretend it’s just a normal break up. Also assume that there are no legal consequences and you won’t be in financial turmoil because that’s just too much to deal with in a single blog post.
Establish a Support
It’s time to call your network of support. Friends, family, psychological support and anyone else you trust to tell your story. Just be honest about what happened. You have 24 hours to create this network because you don’t want to just keep talking about this issue for weeks which can turn into years. You can have more than 24 hours to set this up but the whole point is that you don’t want to get over this relationship. The longer you continue to discuss it and rehash the hash, the longer it will continue. Tell your network, “I need support getting over this relationship. Can you help me do this?” 9 times out of 10 they will say, “Yes, I’ve got your back. What can I do to help you.” You need emotional support only. This isn’t a smear campaign and you don’t have to share every gory detail. Just say you need support getting over this relationship and leave it at that. Of course you can tell the whole story but just know the more you continue to discuss it, the more you are breathing life into a dead relationship.
There are Different Levels of BreakUP
Perhaps you need to develop a relationship with yourself instead of giving everything to a relationship. Perhaps you want to keep the lines of communication open because there’s a possibility you might get back together. Perhaps you just need to establish firm boundaries within the relationship. So we’ll start out there and then go to the point where you are literally DONE with the relationship. NO WAY will you go back!!
Stage 1 (Keeping Options Open)
Now perhaps your partner is ignoring you and not giving you the time of day. You still love eachother but it’s not working for you. You spend your time obsessing about when you will hear from them and crying because they don’t text you back like they used to. Something is wrong and you don’t know what to do. What do you do?
Answer: Call your network and tell them you need support. You must decide what it is that you want for yourself. So what do you want? Tell your partner in an I statement. “I have decided to start taking care of my health. I am going to start walking and eating more healthy.” As an example. If they don’t respond back that’s their choice but you will still allow them to remain in your life for 30 days. After you send that final text give them 30 days to respond. If they don’t respond within 30 days BLOCK THEM on your phone. If they want to get a hold of you, they can send you an email. Now during this 30 days you will need to start new habits. Perhaps it’s a great time to start a new hobby or maybe just start to clean up your place. Stay busy. Read books, watch movies, connect with friends but under no circumstances are you to contact them. After the 30 days you will have more clarity about how you want to move forward.
My Heart is Broken but I Cannot Stay
If you are done and ready to move on you will need your network. You will need a journal and perhaps professional help. You are going to have to go 30 days with no contact from this individual. It’s most recommended that you block them from your phone and cut off all communication. You will miss them. You will cry. You will want to call them to tell them something funny. During those times that you want to contact them, pull out the journal and write down your feelings. Call someone from your network and tell them how you’re doing. If you are feeling anxious or depressed, contact your Dr.
It’s during times like this that singing and dancing can really help you to feel better. You have to get your endorphins going to help you feel better. Avoid alcohol and drugs because they don’t really help on the long run. They are just a big nasty band aid that is only going to make you feel worse later. Later you are sad and hungover. It’s better to just feel your feelings and then the next day you will feel better day by day. Again emphasis on cardio. Start easy and try to do something you enjoy. Listen to upbeat happy music. Watch a happy movie!! It will get better baby but one thing is for sure, you won’t be putting up with treatment that is unbecoming of you.