Dear Men, I’m Sorry You Can’t Cry

topless man reading book while seating at beach

Photo by Martin Péchy on Pexels.com

Males have always had a big impact on my life.  I have three older brothers and a Father and I also worked in probably the most masculine of career fields on the planet which was in a State Prison Facility.  Talk about masculine energy.

The men I know are very strong physically and mentally.  They are wildly creative and were athletic and hulk strong.  I could write a bunch of stories about their strength but that’s not the point of this writing.

black and white people bar men

Photo by Gratisography on Pexels.com

While working in law enforcement there was always this thing about being prepared for the unexpected.  Being ready for whatever happened and making sure to stay strong physically.  Physical training was essential and just a lot of ego and strength.

One thing I started to see was that when men would get hurt emotionally, they would take it very hard.  Most of the time the way they dealt with their pain was just to not discuss it, stay strong and suffer in silence.  If I knew of a man who got a divorce or had some losses, in general they had a bit of a hard time bouncing back.

Then there is this whole thing about how “Real Men Don’t cry,”  “Suck it up buttercup” and other slogans that encourage you to be strong and persevere through difficult times. But sometimes things are difficult and the if men get sad and depressed they often have a difficult time expressing themselves.  Maybe they cry but it’s not typical behavior.  In fact  I don’t think I ever really saw my brothers cry.  Maybe if they got hurt really bad but just not a lot of male crying. Me on the other hand was crying every time the wind blew.  I would cry over the way they would talk to me or if they would say something mean, I would cry.

adult dark depressed face

Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

It’s one of those things that men just don’t want to deal with but there can be negative consequences of holding in your feelings.  Side effects of not crying here.  Here are some benefits of crying.  

This suffering in silence is a real problem.  So what do you do if you have a problem but you can’t discuss it?  What happens?  In general it seems to me that not discussing an issue doesn’t solve anything and in fact can make things worse.  It’s like covering a something really stinky with a pretty blanket.  You won’t see it but you will smell it.  Until you get that blanket, take it off and shine some light on the problem will you be able to get rid of that problem.  And sometimes it takes professional help to be able to get yourself right.  There’s not an easy answer.

So yeah men, I’m really sorry that it can be difficult to express your emotions.  Art is a great way to express yourself, meditation and hiking. And don’t ever forget the benefits of silence.

Anyway I just wanted to apologize that things are the way they are and you can always feel free to cry.  It will be OK.  It’s amazing how much better you feel after a good cry. Then you’ll be ready for a brand new day.

man sitting on edge facing sunset

Photo by Abhiram Prakash on Pexels.com

Valerie is a Health and Wellness Coach in Northern California.  She believes that as you heal yourself, you heal the planet.

img_8103

 

 

From Blogger to Plogger

A blogger is someone who writes a Web Log which has been shortened to Blogger.  I initially started the Blog because I was very concerned for many of my co workers and American Citizens who I had seen become ill and die from stress related issues such as suicide and also many of my old co workers died at a young age from heart disease and just not waking up in the morning.  They were dying too young.  I thought as a Health Coach that starting a Blog would be a great way to share my knowledge.  You see I myself was on a dangerous path.pexels-photo-262218.jpeg

I was very anxious, stressed and I knew if I didn’t get a grip on things, I too would have a shortened life.  Being a Mom, I knew that my daughter needed me to get a grip.  So I decided to learn what I needed to do to heal myself.  I am still on my journey.  I still do experience stress and get depressed at times.  I am a human and we have a wide range of emotions and experiences.

I was born in the 60’s and when I was a child I remember seeing those commercials that said, “Give a hoot, don’t pollute.  Never be a dirty bird.”  I really took that to heart and knew that pollution was a bad thing because I did not want to be a “dirty bird.”  So it kind of just stayed with me.  But I wasn’t radical about it.  I just recycled and didn’t litter intentionally.
pexels-photo-128421.jpeg

Fast forward to 2017 and I realized that there is a Great Pacific Garbage Patch 3 times the size of France.  There is just too much pollution and it’s killing Flipper, Dory, Nemo and too many other marine life for me to mention.  The worst part is that much of this plastic has broken down into micro-plastic and now the fish eat that and so if you eat fish, you are eating micro plastic too.  That is very unappealing to me.  It really pisses me off because I would love to be eating some fish and chips but I can’t enjoy it when I think that I am eating plastic.  So now I don’t eat fish for that reason but that’s not the only one.  So now that kind of pisses me off.  I’m not going to lie and say that I’m happy about not being able to enjoy seafood.  But it’s OK, I don’t need seafood to survive.

pexels-photo-225869.jpeg

But the Marine Life needs a clean home.  Imagine how you would feel it someone dumped a whole bunch of trash on your front yard, back yard and everywhere you walked there was plastic and then it choked your kid because your kid didn’t know and your child died.  You would be mad AF. And sad!!  Well that’s basically what we are doing to the Marine Life.  They have been on the planet for thousands of years happily enjoying the food chain.

Now they aren’t doing so well.  But luckily The Ocean Clean Up is going to clean the Pacific Ocean starting in 2018.  Thank you so much for starting with the Pacific Ocean.  So now if they are cleaning up this trash from the ocean the last thing we need to be doing is adding more trash to it.  So I decided to do my part which is where the Plogging comes in.

Plogging is jogging and picking up trash.  I don’t jog but I walk and pick it up.  There is no shortage of trash.  It is literally everywhere.  Look around wherever you live.  And I can fill up 4 bags in an hour walk.  I carry as much as I can and then throw it away.  I wear gardening gloves, hiking shoes, hat and I will go behind bushes, go in water ways, hike, go in the streets, anywhere I see it, I will get it.  I kind of consider myself a plastic hunter.  It’s actually fun.  It feels good to get that plastic and put it in its proper place.  But the really cool thing is that I am going to recycle what I can and donate it to the ocean cleanup.

I have to admit I’ve just started doing this because usually I just put it in the Blue Trash Bin and I’m done with it.  But now I want to help out The Ocean Clean Up.  So I haven’t recycled anything yet.  But I’m close to taking it down to the recycling center and getting paid.  I’m sure it won’t be that much.  But I don’t care if it’s $1.00.  Every little bit adds up.

So that is how I went from Blogger to Plogger.  That’s just one of the hats I wear.  My gosh how many hats can one person wear?  But I will say that I need help.  If you are reading this, please for the sake of our planet and future generations, join me in Plogging.  I understand if you are too busy and can’t do it.  I totally get it.  The other things you can do are:

  1. Don’t drink anything from plastic bottles.  It’s bad for you and the planet
  2. Refuse straws!!!!
  3. Take a coffee cup with you when you get coffee
  4. Take a bag with you to the grocery store.
  5.  Donate to me so I can continue to share this message.
  6. Most important DON’T BUY PRODUCE IF IT IS IN PLASTIC.
  7. Eat Fruits and Vegetables, nuts, beans, grains that are not in plastic (glass is fine.)

That’s not too much to ask is it.  And here’s the best part.  Once you start doing this you become an Official Earth Angel.  And because you are now an Earth Angel, you start having amazingly good luck.  Good things will just start coming to you.  But you have to do a little effort on your part.  The other thing you can do if you cannot muster the strength to do any of the above is that you can share this message with people who are like minded.  You know we all have that friend that’s a little crazy for Mother Earth.  Send this article to them.  You’ll still be an Earth Angel.  We just have to do what we can.

Here’s a short video of my puppy Amber and us Plogging.  She loves Plogging.  Please watch here.

Thank you for being Canonized as an Earth Angel.  Just get ready for lots of blessings dear.  Also please follow my Blog and Subscribe to my Youtube channel.

There’s nothing wrong with you, you’re just traumatized

pexels-photo-54379.jpegMany people think that in order to have been traumatized emotionally that you must have been through a war, killed someone, been the victim of physical or sexual abuse.  Kidnapping is another horrible event that would leave any person traumatized.

Maybe you have never been through any of those events but you can still be traumatized.  First off I am not a Dr.  So please don’t get all scientific on me right away.  But that doesn’t mean I don’t have plenty of experience with traumatic events.  Well I have been traumatized many times during my life.  Too many to really count all of the times.  And I was never in a war or killed anyone.  But I experienced traumatic events daily at work as a Peace Officer.  Not all of them were physical.  Many of them were something I read about.  Reading about crimes repeatedly can do damage to your psyche.  Your brain does not realize that it did not happen to you.  It just knows that it’s processing it.

pexels-photo-261617.jpeg

Let’s also just say right away that many people are in denial about their trauma.  There is a real stigma to being traumatized.  You are damaged goods, crazy, something is wrong with you etc.  These are all of the stereotypes about people who have been traumatized.

So perhaps you did not work at a prison and just have a relatively peaceful life.  But maybe someone died in your family or you lost a pet.  A relationship ends suddenly.  All of these events even though they are routine such as death, are all traumatic events.  So people have to learn how to process the grief that they have been through.

pexels-photo-356842.jpeg

People think it’s so easy to just leave it in the past, let it go, move on, keep going, shut up and just get over it.  Well grief doesn’t work that way.  It needs to go through a process.  You know the 5 stages of grief: denial,depression, anger, bargaining and finally acceptance.

I tell you what going through the grief process is very difficult.  You really need a strong support system and kind, loving people who will be supportive of what you are going through.  But sometimes people act out and then they don’t get help and self medicate.  They end up rude alcoholics, drug addicts, rage monsters, assholes, sex addicts and  porn addicts.  Yikes that’s a lot.

Well I do have some good news and actually it’s kind of a short cut to the healing process.  I always like to figure out the fastest way to do something.  And the easiest way to get through this is to just accept what happened.  Get to the point where you can just say yes it happened, I am sorry it happened, I accept that it happened but now it’s time to rise above that.  What is the lesson and what can I do to get better?  Also the hardest part is forgiving the person or institution that harmed you.

pexels-photo-954623.jpeg

Then that’s where the real work starts.  Support groups, self-reflection, counseling, crying, feeling your feelings.  Nobody wants to do it because it’s difficult.  But once you get to the other side, you’re like that wasn’t so bad.  And you get really strong.  But you must have a support system.  If you are estranged from your family, go to a church and start making positive connections with people.

Also remember, everyone is dealing with some bull shit.  So don’t think you are the only one.  You are so not alone and people want to help you.  You might have to turn off the TV and the phone.  Just reach out to someone.  A friend, pastor, cop, hospital, teacher, nurse, Dr.   Find out what is available to you and also there are a ton of resources on-line.  You don’t have to stay stuck dear one.  But you must begin the work to heal.  And I am sorry it’s not beautiful at first.  But it is so worth it.
Valerie is a Health and Wellness Coach and yoga Instructor.  She lives in Northern California with her daughter and puppy.  Learn how Valerie is coping here.

Difficulty Slowing Down

geranium-wave-water-rings-55813.jpegAre you stressed out and need to calm down?  But then once you get yourself to that time and space that you should be able to relax, then your mind just won’t shut off.  And if it goes on, unchecked and if you have a poor diet, you will most likely experience anxiety and it could turn into a disorder.

But if you don’t have anxiety yet and want to prevent it, then relaxation can be very beneficial.  Especially if you have any kind of injury, then you need to just rest and recover.  But no we want to keep going.  We don’t want to slow down because then that will somehow mean that we gave up.  As I am writing this, I am describing how difficult it is for me to slow down.

tired office worker

You see after working 26 years in a career that was high stress, it takes a while to slow down.  And even as a trained yoga instructor, who should allegedly know better, I still have difficulty slowing down and so I can only imagine for most people it can be very difficult.  Some people are really good at relaxing.  They can fall asleep fast and sleep until they are well rested which is a gift. ( I hope you recognize that gift, if this is you.)

But our culture doesn’t really support the concept of slowing down.  I mean we have to do well in school.  This is so we can get a job to support ourselves and maybe our families assuming that men and women will still be able to produce children in the future with the current state of health in the US.

Our culture supports working and also there is just too much to be done.  Especially if you are a parent.  You must carve out some time for you.

So the concept of slowing down and just focusing on relaxing is an unusual concept which I am allowing myself this time.  I am noticing that it is super important to just stretch and relax a lot.  Also to recognize something that’s causing stress.  Maybe it’s a horrible song on the radio and it’s causing you jaw tension, change that shit with the quickness.val_edited-9208

Also there has to be the concept of good enough.  At some point, your workout has to be good enough.  Hey you hit all the major groups and stretched, you’re good.  There is no need to run 10 miles and do 100 push ups.  If you are not training for an event then allow yourself healing.  And many of us need to heal.  The body recovers when it rests.  When you sleep and eat healthy and relax.

Again meditation just has to be a part of it.  I know it’s the big M word that nobody wants to do but it works.  Or call on your higher power and ask for help.  Archangel Michael and Archangel Raphael are super powerful and they will help you but you must remember to ask.  Of course you can always call on Jesus, Buddha or whatever concept your higher power represents, just call on it.  Relax, pray or meditate.  Then after that things seem much more manageable.  Don’t forget how Jesus went to the desert for 3 days to fast and pray.  (Is that correct? My biblical stories aren’t very good. My point is that Jesus meditated and I know some Christians that have resistance to meditation.  But if Jesus did it, then what’s the problem?)val_edited-9220

You can choose to see the stress and drama but then release it as soon as possible.  You can minimize the stress by how you choose to look at it.  Again turn it around to gratitude as soon as you can.  If you are feeling weak in your legs, immediately think, “Thank you for my legs, that I can walk.”  And if you really want to be a warrior, say, “Thank you for my strong legs.”  Speak that of what you want to happen.

You are stronger than you know but you have to learn to connect to your higher power.  Otherwise it can be difficult if you try to rely on yourself and do everything.  You’re good but everyone needs help!!

Valerie is a Health and Wellness Coach.  She lives in Northern California with her daughter and puppy.  Please feel free to email her here.

Have a Plan if You are Freaking Out

awake guyHave you ever woke up in the morning with so much to do that you don’t even know where to get started.  Your thoughts include, “I  have to put away the dishes, and then take a shower, get ready for work and after work take my kid to the Dr. And that project is due and I have to work with that bitch I can’t stand.  I wonder if my boss really hates me?” You lie there thinking these thoughts over and over and meanwhile the clock is going tick tock tick tock and you’re not getting anything done.

And if it’s your day off then the to do list is just a little different but you’re still thinking about all the chores and what are you going to make for breakfast and it can begin to drive you a little nutty.

And sometimes the thoughts have to do with the thoughts.  “Why am I thinking this?  Is there something wrong with me?  Am I sick?  What does it mean when I feel pressure on my chest?”  On and on and on.

Well guess what?  These thoughts will not just go away by osmosis.  But what also won’t go away are all of the plans you have and things you want to do.  So what you have to do is have a plan when you wake up with all of thoughts that are somewhat paralyzing.
planning

You can just say yeah yeah to the thoughts.  And tell them what Scarlett O Hara said in Gone With the Wind,  “I’ll think about that tomorrow.”   The trick is that you have to have a plan.  You just have to get up and start your day.  Now if it’s 2:00 AM and you went to bed at midnight and you are waking up, you might not want to get up.  But if you went to bed at 10 and it’s 4:00 AM, well guess what, it’s time to start your day.  That’s right.  Get your ass up out of bed and make it.

When you wake up early and everyone else is asleep, this is the hour that God is calling you.  It is the time when everyone else is asleep and it’s quiet.  When you wake up early it is the perfect time for meditation and yoga.  It’s also in the rhythm with the natural circadian rhythm of our bodies.  Our bodies naturally want to wake up early.  They also want to go to sleep when it’s dark.

Because we have only had electricity within the last 100 plus years, our bodies have not really adjusted to it.  We’re still hard wired like our ancestors.  Which means we rise when the sun does and we go to sleep when the sun goes down.

So our bodies get out of sync and that’s when the anxiety starts up because our body is warning us that we are pushing ourselves too hard.  But you can turn it around.
baby-1356093__480

You have to treat yourself like you are a baby. Which is a perfect time to read an article on how to properly care for yourself here.

This is a super quick post.  But I am kind of just being really short with this post because to be honest, I can write quite a bit and it seems like people have short attention spans and just want the info really quick.  So I am just getting this out fast.

So do people like information really fast and direct or do they prefer lots of detail.  That’s the question.  Please feel free to let me know.  Because I really would love some input.  That’s me asking for help.  Because when you need help, PLEASE ASK!!!!!!!!!!

Valerie is a Yoga Instructor and a  Health and Wellness Coach.  She lives in Northern California with her daughter and puppy.  Please contact her here.

 

Fight For your Right to Dream

Consider Subscribing to my youtube channel PRETTY PLEASE.  Thank you!!

This time of year it’s very popular to make changes with New Year’s Resolutions and all.  We have great expectations but when it comes time to actually implementing those changes or intentions.  That’s when the difficulty comes in.  I mean you are already super busy with a jam- packed schedule, so how on earth can you find time for one more thing?

newton's law

This answer is that something has got to leave your schedule or you just have to make that new thing a priority.  Meaning that you do it first before you do that other thing.  Now maybe you like to get on social media.  So make a little agreement with yourself that before you even think about pushing that little Blue square with an f on it that you will do that priority.  After you have done you’re “priority”, you can f away.  I mean get on the blue f as much as you want.

I think the morning routine is an essential part to having a great day.  If you wake up and do some stretches or yoga, breathing, praying or simply have some quiet time for positive affirmations before you start doing all of the stuff to get ready, you can have a much happier day.  So that’s where that blue f comes into play.  This means don’t f your day away.

Other things may have to give in order for you to make your priority.  Maybe you’ll have to take some time off of work in order to give yourself that time.  Is that the end of the world? HELL NO.  Trust me when you are on your death-bed, you’re not going to think, “I should have worked more.”  You might think, I’m glad I followed my heart and my passions.  But you have to fight for your dreams and passions.  (Think of Twisted Sister here: “You’ve got to fight for your right to dre am”).  Yeah that was me singing there.  But you have to be fierce with it.  You have to just say you know what, I’m going to do this and nothing is going to stop me.  Not laundry, not dishes, not TV, not work(don’t get fired though), not your spouse or partner, not your kids. But if you can rearrange things a little bit, I’m sure you can find the time to pursue your dreams.

Twisted Sister

Twisted Sister i.e. the big hair band of the 80’s that sang Fight For Your Right to Party

This is my quick story with this.  So as a Yoga Instructor, you would think I would be doing yoga everyday and just be super flexible and bendy.  Well last year, I wasn’t.  Life can get in the way.  And it can be difficult to just pull out that yoga mat.  But when I knew I was going to do a dance performance.  I knew that I need to get flexible AF and fast.  So what I did was got my phone, put it on stop watch and did 2 full sun salutes.  It took 6 minutes.  I just decided that every morning before work I was going to give myself 6 minutes for yoga.  And it did help me to get flexible.  I was able to do the splits, believe it or not.    But in any case it all started with me just giving myself 6 minutes in the morning.

splits

2017 not bad for 49 but my daughter snapped this picture fast because I was not enjoying  this. 

Remember Newton’s first law of motion, “An object at rest stays at rest and an object in motion stays in motion with the same speed and in the same direction unless acted upon by an unbalanced force.”  So you have to be that unbalanced force and mix things up a little bit.

And it can be scary to change things up because you are letting go of the old way of doing things.  But in no time, those old habits will just be a thing of the past and you can go on with your life knowing that you were able to make one small change.  The next step is to decide  what else you would like to change.

Valerie is a Yoga Instructor and a Health and Wellness Coach. She lives in Northern California with her daughter and puppy.  You may contact her at estrella.valerie@yahoo.com.

PS.  Please follow my Blog and thanks for reading.  XOXO

Check out my Smoothie Recipe here.

My Dream Retirement Party

fancy reception

When working a long career, it is easy to dream about retirement.  Dreams about the future and dreams about a retirement celebration.  As the time grew nearer, I spoke to people about having a retirement party and I decided that I definitely wanted to have a party.  And I was only going to invite people who I truly cared about.  When you work for the government, you work with people that you have no choice in the matter.  I’ll say it first, I haven’t been the easiest person to work with over the years.

Anyway planning this party was a fantasy of mine and I only wanted super cool people there.  So I invited people who are currently in my life that were sweet. People that I’ve known for years since I was a kid and we kept some semblance of contact with each other over the years.  It’s so hard to maintain relationships over the years.  We get caught up in careers, kids and relationships.  Also for financial reasons, I just couldn’t invite everyone.

I decided that I wanted to share my dreams and passions with my guests.  For so many years I’ve had to walk around with this mask on that was suffocating me.  I had to be super tough and I couldn’t let the real me out or it would have been seen as weakness.

IMG_5625

Celebrating my 29th Birthday at SVSP.

It was in this safe space that I was creating that I knew I would be able to let my passions shine.  I decided I was going to perform for my guests.  It was really fun to plan this event.  I wanted to plan it because I knew it would be exactly as I wanted.

glitter girl

The most amazing people showed up and assisted me with this event.  My dear friend, Peggy who is an amazing event organizer, provided me with the caterer, a DJ was recommended by another friend and I found an amazing Videographer, Kristian Medina that was super cool and creative.

Kristian took these photographs but I am proud to say, I did the slide show.  Those that know me, know this is no small feat.  I was really happy with the way it came out.  I tried my best to put pictures in that were flattering.  Trust me I have some black male pictures if I wanted. Not really.

I did do a little editing and I finally figured out how to do a slide show.  And I picked some music from the evening and added that in.  #Lindseysterlingtranscendence, #Beatsantiquebattle, #Pa’Bailar-Siemprequieromasbajofondo&Julieta.  I threw in Siempre Quiero Mas because it’s an amazing song.  Great song to dance to.  (Wink Wink)

Also I really want to thank the people who showed up.  It’s not easy to get out of the house these days.  But thank you for showing up. I love you and appreciate you from the bottom of my heart.

I wrote a thank you note and was planning on reading it that night but of course I forgot it and had to just do it ad-lib style.  My favorite thing to do.  I’m going to write that here:

Thank you Letter intended for Valerie’s Retirement Party

I want to take this time out to thank everyone for coming to my party.  I really appreciate your spending time with me on this special occasion.  This has been a dream and a goal of mine for many years and I have happy to have finally made it to retirement.

Special thanks to the following:

Leonora Barron, mi madre and mommy.  I would not be here physically and also you helped me to make this event possible. Thank you Mom for always being there for me with all of my crazy ideas.  You’ve always supported and encouraged me and I appreciate you for that.   Again working for CDCR was not easy and I know I could be very harsh at times.  Thank you for forgiving me.  I hope I can be as gracious as you.

My father, John Barron who without you, I would not have been exposed to music to the extent that I was.  I know as a child it was sometimes very annoying to have a musician for a father.  But looking g back I am thankful that I had that influence in my life.  I understand now how you used to be “spacey” at times and I’m sure it was because you were mentally trying to figure out timing or a musical arrangement.  Thanks for following your dreams because I know it helped me go for my dreams.

For my daughter Victoria, Thank you for being so patient with me.  Thank you for being so loving and kind to me.  You have a huge heart and I hope you keep letting your light shine.  Thank you for going with me to all those classes and events and for taking my classes.  You were a real little trooper and I appreciate and love you for that.  Don’t ever forget your name means Victorious Star of the People.  Let’s enjoy my new-found freedom.  Let’s see the world.

To my brother, Adam Barron: Thanks for being there during the years and especially for looking out for my father.  Thank you for being supportive and for always opening your house up to me.  I know I hardly go around anymore but it’s because I’ve been working like a dog.  Keep shining your light Adam.  You are a beautiful person that everyone loves.  Don’t ever forget that.  Thanks for allowing me to be, “Adam’s little sister.”

To my brother, Ben:Thank you for always encouraging me to pursue my goals and for listening to me.  You’re an amazingly talented guitarist and performer.  I encourage you to continue with your artistic goals.  Thank you for staying true to your art which isn’t an easy task in these times.  You are a role model for everyone.

To my Aunt, Eleanor Barron-Druckery, thank you for being there for me.  Thank you for being supporting and listening to me over the years.  You a dreamer and I never realized how important dreams are.  But with all of your extensive writings on dreams, it has definitely helped me to find my vision for dreams.

To my cousin Ray Ray Lozano:  Thank you for being there for me.  It’s been great getting a male perspective on things.  No matter what we are family first and even though we don’t always agree on everything, we’re still family.  Keep striving for your dreams and goals and you are an awesome role model.  Remember it’s your strength is found in forgiveness.

Peggy Rairden:  Thank you for helping with the decorations and for all of the input on the party.  Who knew going to a Zumba class would bring me a great new bathroom and such an amazingly talorented interior decorator and party planner.  Thank you for all of your support.

Alice Hutchings: I’ve known you for 20 years and have had a lot of fun in the past.  I want to thank you for coming the distance to be at this event.  I’ve always been able to rely on you over the years.  You used to be my mom at work.  Whether I needed a fork or if you shared your left overs.  You always helped me out in the best way and made me feel better.  You have a beautiful heart and keep letting it shine.

Special thanks to Angeline:  Thank you for pushing me beyond my limits.  Thank you for pursuing your dreams because.   You are always able to figure out what a person is doing and what they need to be doing so they can be better.  I don’t know how you do it.  As you know it’s not always easy working with people and our excuses for why we don’t do things to improve our capabilities.  Thank you for creating such an amazing safe place to learn to dance and thrive.  I wish you continued success.

Thank you to Alina for being the amazingly talented musician you are.  I know I wouldn’t have been able to get up here today and sing had it not been for your support and encouragement.  Thank you for following your dreams and you’re helping so many people and children to fall in love with the universal language of music  Thank you for sharing your gifts with us in the US.  I know you could have lived anywhere on the planet and yet we found each other. Thank you for following your passion had you not, you would not have been able to assist me with mine.  

I also want to thank all of the people who have been supportive of me throughout my career  As you know it’s not an easy career.  Sometimes it feels like all you are doing is putting out fires and it can be difficult to work together to reach a common goal.  I really want to thank John Butler who was my supervisor for 4 years.  I want to thank you for being supportive of me.  You probably don’t know how much you helped me and I will always be thankful for that.  I think I most appreciate was how you were more than understanding about giving time off.  Also after you retired, I missed your sayings or as I refer to them, “Butlerisms.”  Anyway I just wanted to say thank you!! In case you don’t know I’ve had some dark times during my career and as you know there are many people that suffer in my line of work.  

And it’s my passion and goal that I can inspire you to pursue your dreams and goals, no matter what they might be.

Lastly I love you all  and wish you all the best today and always.  I truly hope we are able to keep in touch.  And although we may not always agree on every single issue in life, I hope we are able to put those things aside and truly look at each other’s heart when we have disagreements.  We don’t know how long we have to live and I truly wish you all peace in your heart, love in your spirit and joy in your life.

 

 

Why a Blog?

I initially started this Blog because I was saddened to see so many of my co-workers end up dying prematurely.  It was very sad.  Some were a result of suicide and others due to chronic diseases.  I saw many people living unhealthy lifestyles.

I had learned quite a bit through my studies and I decided to start a Blog so I can say what worked for me and to give me a creative outlet.  Obviously everyone is on their own journey and I can only say what has worked for me.  We all have to make our own personal decisions about everything.  We have free will and can eat and drink whatever we want and we can decide if we go to sleep or stay up all night.

Apparently I like to learn stuff the hard way.  If someone tells me what to do, I’ll consider it but obviously I make my own decision.  The one thing that really motivated me was pain.  When my body was in pain, I would always say, “Oh hell no.  What’s that pain all about?”  And I worked consistently to try to remedy my pain.    But it wasn’t easy and I fell down a lot but I kept getting back up.  Thinking that successful people have it easy is a recipe for sadness.

When you get tired of suffering, you can figure out what you need to do to take care of yourself.  Prioritizing is not easy and any change requires letting go of something.  And that’s the hard part.  Sometimes you have to let go of people, jobs, food, alcohol and drugs.  But what you gain is so much worth it.  But it does take an inquisitive mind and a desire to learn and grow.  I get it not everyone is into that.  But many people are on their path and just don’t know which way to turn.  There is information overload and it’s hard to know who you can trust.  The answer is within you.  Only you can decided what you want.  tired office worker

The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.  You must desire to take that step and leave the past negativity behind.  It’s hard to do it alone.  So that’s why I started this blog.  Everyone has their own dreams and desires.  I believe that if you start to take one step in the direction of your dreams then you will begin the transformation.  What’s stopping you?

 

 

 

In this video I discuss my 26 year career and how I survived working in law enforcement and how there were many people who did not survive.

 

 

One Day Left to Work

happiness

 

At the time of this time I currently have 1 days left to work in my career. It is something that I have looked forward to for such a long time. It feels kind of like that feeling of finally graduating from High School. The only thing is after High School, one is so very young that they really must contemplate their future. At retirement, it is much the same feeling and one has to contemplate their future as well. The former contemplation usually involves career planning unless you want to live at home for the rest of your life. The latter involves what do you really want to do now that the career is done and the options are endless.

I am very excited about not having to get dressed every day in work attire and come into the office. I look forward to being able to plan my day as I see fit. My only fear is that I will not wear real clothes anymore and I will wear nothing but yoga clothes. Not that there’s anything wrong with that but I do think it’s important to get dressed up. So I think one of my goals will be to simply get dressed and put make up on.

IMG_6094

I also have quite a few projects that I am looking forward to tackling. One of them involves a guest bedroom and the other involves adopting a dog. I have been wanting to get a dog for the last few years and I kept telling my daughter that after I retire, we will get a dog. Well the time is getting closer so I am looking for my favorite Canine. I am looking to adopt a Labrador Retriever and we will see if I am able to find one. I just love their floppy ears and they are just so sweet. So I plan lots of walks with my literal “Road Dog.” So I plan on loading pictures of my dog and I in the near future ( I hope).

IMG_6060

Earlier this week there was a very sad occasion when a co-worker passed away and he was a Canine Handler.  So at the funeral they had canines and their handlers from all over California to pay their final respects.  And many of the dogs were of course Labrador Retrievers.  There were black labs and golden labs and they were just so adorable.  I just wanted to bring them home with me.  They were smiling and looking so adorable.  Then I made some phone calls about adopting a lab and of course they don’t call me back.  Who knew I could get stood up by a foster dog?

 

 

All Work and No Play Makes Jack and Jill Hella Dull and Mad

jack nicholsonMany are familiar with the words, “All work and no play make Jack a dull boy.” Yes it is the entire text of Jack Nicholson’s book in “The Shining.” But besides that, it does seem to be true that all work and no play can make Jack, Jill and anyone else a dull boy or girl. All work and no play is simply a recipe for not only being dull but being mad as hell. All work and no play can definitely wear on a person and just make them tired, irritable and begin to wonder, “Why the hell am I doing all of this work anyway?” Or “Why am I working hard and everyone else is sitting on their ass?” and can lead to not caring about their work and just feeling depressed about their current situation.

How does one cope when their life seems to be filled with “All work and no play?”

working woman

1)Begin to take an inventory about how your time is actually being spent. Time can seem to vanish in the blink of an eye. If you are not paying attention to it, it can be gone before you know it. Take a notebook and write down what you are spending your time on. After you do that for a few days, you should begin to see patterns of how your time is being spent. You might be surprised to see how much time is being spent on TV and or social media.What kind of things do you want to spend your time on? How does Jack want to play? Are there things in your life that you enjoy playing with? Are you finding time for this play? Keep in mind that this play can be anything that brings you joy or that you have fun with. It can be walking your dog, working out, dancing, singing, playing tennis, sailing, vacation, video games, photography, cooking etc. What is it you can do that will kick dullness in the ass? You must know how you can enjoy your time or you can end up not spending it on things you enjoy.

energy vampires

3)Do you have energy vampires or time vampires in your life that are draining you? Sometimes in order to have time for yourself, you have to cut the umbilical cord from energy vampires. They can be people you care about and actually love. But if you aren’t having fun and the people around you are all having fun, it doesn’t seem fair. So it might be time to set some limits and tell people that you care about that you are not going to spend your day off driving them an hour to get their hair done in a fancy salon. Or doing all the laundry (work) while they are kicking back. It’s time to get everyone to pitch in and help out or maybe they can go without clean clothes for a while. Perhaps if the family you have pitched in, you would have some time to play. Watching your daughter mow the lawn can cause great excitement. Remember that children need to be taught how to do all things. So although it can seem like you are treating them like Cinderella by having them do house work, you are actually teaching them essential life skills. So when they grow up and get a job, if their boss needs them to vacuum or mop the floor, they will have some skill in doing this basic life skill. Also they won’t think that they are above doing certain jobs. So don’t be afraid to get your kids to do house work. Especially if they are boys. Boys need to know how to do house work too.

men house work

4)You could get help with the work around your house. Some people might think that getting help around your house is a dastardly deed, but it can actually be a life saver. This is going to come as a shock to some people that although you are amazingly smart, talented and strong however, you are not Superman, Wonder Woman, Bat Man, X-Man, Captain America. That means that everybody needs help once in a while. Don’t be afraid to get the help you need around your house so that you can have some fun. Yes it will probably cost you $$. But how much is that stress costing you? If someone offered to clean your house for $100 or you can keep the $100 and clean the whole house yourself on your day off, what would you do? If you are anything like me, it would take hours to clean the house and afterwards, I would be physically tired, drained and maybe cleaning house can be fun to some. However it’s work and it can cause feeling the dullness to start. So yes it is $100 but if that $100 is going to stop you from grabbing an ax and going ballistic like Jack Nicholson in The Shining, then it is safe to say the $100 is well worth the money spent. Think of all the $$, you are saving on attorney bills by simply hiring someone to do some work around your house. Well your house is getting cleaned, you can get a massage or just relax. Now I do understand that many people simply cannot afford $100 which is completely understandable. But many people do have $100 to spend on a house cleaning service but choose however to do the work themselves and instead be mad, tired, irritable and spend their time sharpening that proverbial ax. If you are anywhere near to wanting to sharpen an ax, it’s time to get some professional help. You deserve to chill out and not work so hard all the time.

5)You can ignore the work around the house. That seems like putting a band aid on pile of dog poop to me. But yes you can choose to ignore it. But at some point, that band aid is going to have to be pulled off and that stinky smell is going to be waiting to be picked up. But keep in mind that all of these messes do cause a certain amount of stress just looking at them. So yes you can ignore it but it is recommended to figure out a solution to the pile of dog poopwaiting to be picked up. That way you can get back to the things you enjoy doing and Shine.