How To Get Over a Breakup

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Have you ever had to get over a broken heart from a relationship? It can be one of the most painful things to endure. It’s like your heart gets ripped out of your body and you’re supposed to walk around like everything is normal on the outside. But on the inside you’re so sad, depressed and you can also be filled with feelings of anger and rage depending on the circumstances of the break up. There can also be real serious issues such as alimony, child support and loss of income. But let’s just pretend it’s just a normal break up. Also assume that there are no legal consequences and you won’t be in financial turmoil because that’s just too much to deal with in a single blog post.

Establish a Support

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It’s time to call your network of support. Friends, family, psychological support and anyone else you trust to tell your story. Just be honest about what happened. You have 24 hours to create this network because you don’t want to just keep talking about this issue for weeks which can turn into years. You can have more than 24 hours to set this up but the whole point is that you don’t want to get over this relationship. The longer you continue to discuss it and rehash the hash, the longer it will continue. Tell your network, “I need support getting over this relationship. Can you help me do this?” 9 times out of 10 they will say, “Yes, I’ve got your back. What can I do to help you.” You need emotional support only. This isn’t a smear campaign and you don’t have to share every gory detail. Just say you need support getting over this relationship and leave it at that. Of course you can tell the whole story but just know the more you continue to discuss it, the more you are breathing life into a dead relationship.

There are Different Levels of BreakUP

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Perhaps you need to develop a relationship with yourself instead of giving everything to a relationship. Perhaps you want to keep the lines of communication open because there’s a possibility you might get back together. Perhaps you just need to establish firm boundaries within the relationship. So we’ll start out there and then go to the point where you are literally DONE with the relationship. NO WAY will you go back!!

Stage 1 (Keeping Options Open)

Now perhaps your partner is ignoring you and not giving you the time of day. You still love eachother but it’s not working for you. You spend your time obsessing about when you will hear from them and crying because they don’t text you back like they used to. Something is wrong and you don’t know what to do. What do you do?

Answer: Call your network and tell them you need support. You must decide what it is that you want for yourself. So what do you want? Tell your partner in an I statement. “I have decided to start taking care of my health. I am going to start walking and eating more healthy.” As an example. If they don’t respond back that’s their choice but you will still allow them to remain in your life for 30 days. After you send that final text give them 30 days to respond. If they don’t respond within 30 days BLOCK THEM on your phone. If they want to get a hold of you, they can send you an email. Now during this 30 days you will need to start new habits. Perhaps it’s a great time to start a new hobby or maybe just start to clean up your place. Stay busy. Read books, watch movies, connect with friends but under no circumstances are you to contact them. After the 30 days you will have more clarity about how you want to move forward.

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My Heart is Broken but I Cannot Stay

If you are done and ready to move on you will need your network. You will need a journal and perhaps professional help. You are going to have to go 30 days with no contact from this individual. It’s most recommended that you block them from your phone and cut off all communication. You will miss them. You will cry. You will want to call them to tell them something funny. During those times that you want to contact them, pull out the journal and write down your feelings. Call someone from your network and tell them how you’re doing. If you are feeling anxious or depressed, contact your Dr.

It’s during times like this that singing and dancing can really help you to feel better. You have to get your endorphins going to help you feel better. Avoid alcohol and drugs because they don’t really help on the long run. They are just a big nasty band aid that is only going to make you feel worse later. Later you are sad and hungover. It’s better to just feel your feelings and then the next day you will feel better day by day. Again emphasis on cardio. Start easy and try to do something you enjoy. Listen to upbeat happy music. Watch a happy movie!! It will get better baby but one thing is for sure, you won’t be putting up with treatment that is unbecoming of you.

Valeria not caring if she ever hears from you again. Play games she said. You can’t play a player. She’s a Health and Wellness Coach in Northern California. She encourages everyone to follow their dreams and passions.

Have a Plan if You are Freaking Out

awake guyHave you ever woke up in the morning with so much to do that you don’t even know where to get started.  Your thoughts include, “I  have to put away the dishes, and then take a shower, get ready for work and after work take my kid to the Dr. And that project is due and I have to work with that bitch I can’t stand.  I wonder if my boss really hates me?” You lie there thinking these thoughts over and over and meanwhile the clock is going tick tock tick tock and you’re not getting anything done.

And if it’s your day off then the to do list is just a little different but you’re still thinking about all the chores and what are you going to make for breakfast and it can begin to drive you a little nutty.

And sometimes the thoughts have to do with the thoughts.  “Why am I thinking this?  Is there something wrong with me?  Am I sick?  What does it mean when I feel pressure on my chest?”  On and on and on.

Well guess what?  These thoughts will not just go away by osmosis.  But what also won’t go away are all of the plans you have and things you want to do.  So what you have to do is have a plan when you wake up with all of thoughts that are somewhat paralyzing.
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You can just say yeah yeah to the thoughts.  And tell them what Scarlett O Hara said in Gone With the Wind,  “I’ll think about that tomorrow.”   The trick is that you have to have a plan.  You just have to get up and start your day.  Now if it’s 2:00 AM and you went to bed at midnight and you are waking up, you might not want to get up.  But if you went to bed at 10 and it’s 4:00 AM, well guess what, it’s time to start your day.  That’s right.  Get your ass up out of bed and make it.

When you wake up early and everyone else is asleep, this is the hour that God is calling you.  It is the time when everyone else is asleep and it’s quiet.  When you wake up early it is the perfect time for meditation and yoga.  It’s also in the rhythm with the natural circadian rhythm of our bodies.  Our bodies naturally want to wake up early.  They also want to go to sleep when it’s dark.

Because we have only had electricity within the last 100 plus years, our bodies have not really adjusted to it.  We’re still hard wired like our ancestors.  Which means we rise when the sun does and we go to sleep when the sun goes down.

So our bodies get out of sync and that’s when the anxiety starts up because our body is warning us that we are pushing ourselves too hard.  But you can turn it around.
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You have to treat yourself like you are a baby. Which is a perfect time to read an article on how to properly care for yourself here.

This is a super quick post.  But I am kind of just being really short with this post because to be honest, I can write quite a bit and it seems like people have short attention spans and just want the info really quick.  So I am just getting this out fast.

So do people like information really fast and direct or do they prefer lots of detail.  That’s the question.  Please feel free to let me know.  Because I really would love some input.  That’s me asking for help.  Because when you need help, PLEASE ASK!!!!!!!!!!

Valerie is a Yoga Instructor and a  Health and Wellness Coach.  She lives in Northern California with her daughter and puppy.  Please contact her here.